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  • Pope-A-Dope I

    April 20, 2005

    I'm sure everyone's heard the glorious news, the new pope was a Nazi. What, you hadn't heard? Well it may seem bizarre, it may seem scary, and if you're like me it may even seem funny, but it's true. While I sat glued to CNN holding my breath waiting to find out if I got the job I ran through a bunch of possible names that I would take. Pope-a-Dope I was the obvious choice for me. I can't believe they passed me up....again! Granted I was only 7 last time the job was open but I was sure I had it wrapped up this time around. I was going to start an entire line of merchandising too. The first of which would have obviously been the "Pope On A Rope" line of bathing products. You know..."wash away your sins while defoliating at the same time" sort of thing. I could have been a star, I could have been a contender. But when the final word came down it became apparent that I'm just not evil enough for the job. How can I contend with a former Hitler Youth who has spent time in an American POW camp? I don't hate gays, I accept other people and their religions, I believe in Relativism. I'm clearly underqualified. New meaning has been given to the phrase "The Great White Pope." Oh...wait....nevermind, they were obviously pandering the Muslim demographic. I'm just letting the college of Cardinals know that I'm still available...

    posted by CQ on Wednesday, April 20, 2005

    I h8 <3 signs

    April 12, 2005

    Yes, it's true. Spending so much time online these days has been like learning a new language and I must admit, I don't <3 any of it. Especially those insufferable emoticons. :) All of a sudden it seems acceptable to write 'nite' instead of night, and 'bi' instead of bye. Is it that much harder to add two extra letters? IMHO it's because bad behavior begets bad behavior. As soon as people stopped questioning our president's usage of "nucuhler" it was all over.....brb....sorry, phone. Anywho, it's a shame to me because there's an entire generation coming up who won't be able to read any great works of literature, all because Dostoevsky didn't have a cell phone or AIM. :-( So this is my one plea to mankind; learn to write...please? ttyl, CQ

    posted by CQ on Tuesday, April 12, 2005

    Happy New Year!

    April 1, 2005

    Yeah that's right, I said it. "Happy New Year!" Which is what today was until about 3 or 4 hundred years ago. April first was New Year's day in most of the more ancient world. It was closely tied in with the Spring solstice and everyone happily celebrated the coming of spring, summer and all the good things that come with it. So while all the good medievillians were trouncing around Europe drinking mead and dreaming of EuroDisney, thoughts of feifdom and the Plague took a back burner. But this was not to last. Enter Pope Gregory XIII, notorious funwrecker and deposer meritas. A sharp looking guy with an attitude to match, he felt that the standard by which the world counted the days just wasn't good enough. Having solved all of the world's other problems he commenced with the new calendar. This new "Gregorian" calendar moved New Year's day to January first. Obstensibly so we could look forward to starting out the new year with 3 or 4 months of gray, cold, joyless weather. You know, to put a perspective on things. Anywho, much of Europe didn't dig this new approach and resisted. England holding out the longest and not adopting the new New Year until 1752, two hundred years after it was proposed. Well done England. So, once again a Catholic had determined that he knew what's best for the rest of the world and there were never any problems ever ever again. Oh....did I mention that he had a bastard son? Happy New Year.

    posted by CQ on Friday, April 01, 2005


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